I'm Not Brave.

Sometimes, the Lord puts something in front of you that's hard to miss.

This past month, there has been a theme in my time with the Lord. Between the Aftermath series at Echo and Sublime, Undaunted by Christine Caine, The Circle Maker, Let's All Be Brave, and even worship, I began to catch on that maybe the Lord was trying to tell me something. 

I am not brave. 

In fact, most times, I am the complete opposite. It's no secret that insecurity is something I struggle with, but lately it has reared its ugly head so often that I have felt its debilitating grip threaten to pull me back into a dangerous pit. 

I was becoming so insecure and fearful in even the smallest things-- so unwilling to deviate from anything that brought me comfort.  I was always so quick to answer "I can't" to things that made me the slightest bit uncomfortable. 

I have heard and read about the brave life God has for me so many times, and at first I didn't want to hear it. Being brave was for, well, brave people. That wasn't me. I couldn't do brave things in my life. I was shy and awkward and insecure and not good enough to be used by God. 

I am learning (and rejoicing) that that is SO not the truth. 

I went camping this past weekend at Red Top Mountain, and there was a little bath house up the hill from our site. Every time we frequented it, my spirit chuckled. 'Comfort Station,' the sign read. Though the place was FAR from comforting, it made me think about comfort zones and how terrified I am to leave them.  

I like comfort zones. They're comfortable. (hello). They don't require effort, and definitely don't involve any sort of reliance on the cross. They're safe, and I'm all about safety. 

But as Christ followers, we are not called to comfort. We are called to Christ and to follow Him regardless of our situation or how we feel.  

Jesus calls us out beyond the shore into the waves, and even though it may seem scary and illogical, the waves are the safest place to be. That's where He is. 

Last week, I went to the fair with every intention of standing on the sidelines while my friends rode the rides. I hate rides. I've never liked them (okay... I've never liked the idea of them. I'd never actually ridden them before).  I remember literally looking up at the spinning death traps and telling my friends, "I can't, y'all. I just can't. No." But in that moment, it's as if the Lord whispered to me, "Why are you afraid? I created you to be brave." Brave? Lord, I argued. Do you see these things? Death. DEATH, Lord. No, I won't. 

But somehow, despite my better judgment, I found myself in the line for the Scary Death Trap called the Cyclops. It's one of those spinny, twirly, lifty devices that is practically made to make its participants ralph up their fried oreos and funnel cake. We inched our way to the front of the line and my palms began to sweat. I can do this. I am brave. I can do this. I am brave. As I strapped myself into the ride, feet dangling, I was practically chanting to myself: I am brave. I am brave. I'M GOING TO DIE but I am brave. I am brave I am brave I am brave. 

The ride slowly lifted us into the air and started a sickening dance of lifts, spins, and drops. I AM BRAVE I AM BRAVE I AM BRAVE LOOOOOOOORD WHYYYYYYY-- Y'all, I sincerely thought death was coming. This life was over and I was about to see my Jesus. Goodbye Kennesaw, hello New Earth. The dance continued until finally it slowed and I vowed to never, ever, do that again. 

But I did it. I walked away. And you know what? It was fun. 

I am not brave. But with Christ in me, I can be. 

Choosing bravery in Jesus can look like a lot of things. It can look like riding scary fair rides for the first time, or sleeping outside in a hammock under the stars when you're used to your warm bed. It can look like sharing the gospel with a stranger at Starbucks. It can look like speaking up when the world says you shouldn't. It can look like dreaming up big dreams for your future, knowing no dream is too big for our big God. 

He has called us to a life so much bigger, grander, and yes-- FUNNER-- than we could ever dream up for ourselves. We must simply be willing to leave our comfort zones behind.  

I'm tired of letting my "I can'ts" get in the way of my God who Can. I am ready to embrace the abundant life that Jesus promises His followers. 

And so, I resolve to let Jesus make me brave every day. I resolve to dream big dreams with the expectation that God can make them happen. I resolve to relinquish control of my life to the One who gives life. And I resolve to follow Him in this life of adventure. 

  

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 

-2 Timothy 1:7

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. 

-Ephesians 3:20-21

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. 

-John 10:10

Guatemala 2013: I went, I saw. I'm back, I'm forever changed!

Hey friends! In case you wanted an in-depth saga of my trip to Guatemala, welcome. Here we are. Enjoy! I hope you can pretend you were with me on this journey! 

1) What did I do?

  Of the 8 families Redeemer’s House has “adopted”, I had the joy of mainly working with 2. I was able to help give Dominga and Katarina’s families’ basic food needs and work on several projects for each of them.

   Dominga was a single mom with 9 children and an elderly mom and 6 pets to take care of, and all of them lived in a house the size of your living room. Her landlord evicted her the first day we were there because she couldn’t pay rent, and we helped her move 50 feet down the road to a new home that she also couldn’t afford. Someone in the States would have called their possessions trash, but every item was treasured and we had to make sure it all arrived safely at the new house. Three of the younger girls, Irma, Melissa, and Miley, stole my heart with their sweet smiles, songs, and beautiful laughter! We got to play with them, read to them, and let them do our hair. The last day that I saw them, Miley clung to my legs and called me “Mama” and told me she loved me—in English. Needless to say, I wept.

   Katarina and her two kids, Giovanni and Deborah, lived in an old boat shack with one room, two beds and an outdoor stove. Their neighbor’s pit bulls wandered free and were dangerously close to the kids, who were home alone most of the time. We had the opportunity to build Katarina a shelter over her outdoor stove, which was incredibly difficult work. When we gave her family the food for the week, little Deborah ran out saying “Food! Food! Food!” and started eating a cantaloupe through the rind. It broke my heart to think this might have been the only food she’d eaten in days.

   Twice a week, we volunteered at an after school program that Redeemer’s House started. This program teaches children about the gospel of Jesus, but also teaches them basic skills they need for survival such as reading, writing, and dental hygiene. We taught the kids how to sing Jesus Loves Me in Spanish and taught them that Jesus is their friend, and seeing them understand and then sing with joy melted my heart. Since I speak Spanish, I was asked to read a Bible story to the kids in Spanish. It was cool to use that gift that the Lord has given me—and actually be good at it! I also got to lead a group of 7-8 preschoolers, and teach them to use fine motor skills by coloring. It’s amazing and heartbreaking to see that some of the kids can’t do basic crafts because they are so developmentally behind due to malnutrition and lack of care.

  Twice in the afternoons, women from the community came to our mission’s house to teach US something. Dominga and her family taught us how to make tortillas, which she normally sells for 1Q (about 12 cents). This was SO difficult and humbling. Little Miley could make a tortilla in under a minute, and it took me a good 15 minutes to make a misshapen lump. We then bought all of the tortillas we had made from her, giving her about 150Q, and then we ate them for dinner! Let me just say…they were delicious. Another day, a sweet woman named Sebastiana taught us how to crochet flowers that are generally used on clothing. Only one person on our team was able to make them, and she was an art major (so it wasn’t even fair!!). This teach-a-trade program enabled the women to have dignity and respect for themselves, seeing the rich white people not being able to do what they do every day for a living!

Fun Things and Facts:

·      The last day we were in Guat, we kayaked on the Lago de Atitlán (Lake Atitlán). Some brave girls (myself included) swam in the lake! It was cold, but so worth it.

·      We got to go shopping on la calle de Santander, which is essentially a tourist trap, but gives a lot of families income. Not only did we get cool things, we got to bless people financially!

·      In Panajachel, you travel either by foot or by standing in the back of a pick-up-truck. I prefer the latter.

·      Stray dogs are everywhere.

·      Some of the kids we met had already lost their teeth to decay, either from lack of hygiene or excess sugar.

·      You can’t flush toilet paper in Guatemala, and sometimes the water doesn’t work.

·      To drink fresh water, you either have to buy a purifier or drink water out of packets. All drinks are lukewarm, always.

·      “Te extraño” can either mean “I’ll miss you” or “I think you’re strange”. I’m still unsure which one I got told, but I cherish it either way!

2) How have I been impacted?

Gosh. I think a better question would be how HAVEN’T I been impacted? I’m so humbled. How dare I take anything for granted anymore? One day, there was an elderly woman digging through our trash to find food, wrapping our days-old BBQ in our used toilet paper. The fact that I can flush my toilet paper and eat 3+ meals a day makes me feel so blessed. I’m always quick to complain, but remembering seeing people I love with literally nothing snaps me out of it very quickly. Lord, let me not be blind with privilege. Give me eyes to see the pain.

Although the families I worked with had nothing, their faith was incredible. If they knew Jesus (some of them didn’t), they CLUNG to Him. They knew what it was like to have Jesus be their literal daily bread, and to have Him fill them up because they have nothing else. I, who have never been empty handed in my entire life, don’t understand this utter dependence on Him but I PRAY for it. I desire it. I am so quick to replace Jesus with meaningless things in this life, but He is the ONLY thing that will truly satisfy. I pray to someday have faith like a Guatemalan.

Above all else, I’m inspired to DO SOMETHING. We had the opportunity to pray over several brothels, and to look inside and see real women in sexual slavery. Some of these women were trafficked there from other countries, but some were just desperate to put food on their tables. I listened to the men, calling out to our team in Spanish degradingly, and my heart broke for the way these women are treated everyday. I pictured my sweet little Guatemalan girls ending up this way in the future, and couldn’t handle it. I have to do something about this. We, as the Body of Christ, MUST do something about this. Now, more than ever, I’m in it to END human trafficking.

To be honest, I’m still processing all the ways that the Lord moved while I was in Guatemala. I see Him changing me everyday more into His likeness, and I am so grateful for that. But until the day that He calls me back to Guat, I pray that I would serve Him on the mission field HERE in Kennesaw. It would be foolish to come home and treat my peers the same as I did before.

Thank you for going on this journey with me! I pray for you, that you would be influenced by my story and seek to glorify Him in all that you do today. 

Peace, blessings, y Jesús te ama! 

-Anne

Nadie tiene mayor amor que este, que uno ponga su vida por su amigos. 

-Juan 15:13

David & Bathsheba: A mind-blowing new view on GRACE

Yesterday, I was blown away by the power of grace as seen in the story of David and Bathsheba. It's a well known story (found in 1 Samuel 11-12). You've probably heard it before. I know I'd heard it a million times.  

But yesterday, the Lord opened my eyes to the power and intensity of His love and grace for ME through this story! Aaaaaand I'm really excited about it. So that's why this is here. 

So David, King of Isreal, man after God's own heart, commits these huge no-no's. He sleeps with his friend Uriah's wife while he is out at war and OOPS, gets her pregnant.  He tries to cover it up by bringing Uriah home from war and giving him a rest-- he wants him to sleep with Bathsheba so no one would ever think that David is the baby daddy. 

Uriah, being an honorable man, refuses this luxury and won't go home to his wife out of respect for his soldiers still at war. Good dude. 

So David gets him drunk, thinking OBVIOUSLY this will fix everything. But Uriah still remains faithful to his soldiers and won't go home. 

David then has this BRILLIANT idea: "Okay. If I can't get Uriah to do what I want, I'll just send orders to have him killed off in battle. Then I can swoop in like a victorious eagle and take Bathsheba as my own wife! I'm a genius! Everything is FIXED! HUZZAH!" 

Wrong. 

Things happened the way David wanted them to, but the Lord was displeased. He sends a prophet, Nathan, to tell David "Listen, broseph. You've screwed up. The Lord anointed you, delivered you, and set you apart as king. He would have even done more for you. And this is how you repay him? Not okay, dude. Not okay." 

He then tells David that the sword will never depart from his house, and that the child born to him by Bathsheba would die. Watch out, David. Consequences are coming. 

This is where my mind starts to get COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY. David makes no excuses. He simply says, "I have sinned against the Lord." He acknowledges his sin. He repents. And Nathan's response is this: "The Lord has taken away your sin. You aren't going to die."

The Lord IMMEDIATELY wipes his slate clean. David doesn't have to prove himself, or do community service, or pray a long-winded prayer. He simply repented and the Lord removed (and forgot!) his sin. 

THIS IS GRACE. Grace is getting something you don't deserve. David didn't deserve to be clean! But the Lord happily made him clean anyway. 

• Now remember, David totally messed up. He was an adulterer AND a murderer. And yet the Lord made him NEW! If He did that for David, how much more will he do that for us!!???? God FREELY LAVISHES grace upon His children. On me. On you. We don't have to earn it. It. Is. FREE! We can be clean too!!

The story continues. 

Although David's sin was removed and forgotten, David still had to endure consequences for his actions. Bathsheba's child died, just as was prophesied. There are consequences to every sin.

• There is a small part of the story when David is mourning this loss that really sticks out to me. In chapter 12 verse 20, it says that after he mourned he got up, went into the house, and worshiped. WORSHIPED. Can we just let that sink in for a second?? David has committed these heinous sins, lost his child because of those sins, and YET gets up and WORSHIPS THE LORD??! I don't know about you, but that is totally convicting to me. I don't know how many times bad things have happened to me and I've done everything BUT worship. The Lord is faithful and deserving of our worship REGARDLESS of our circumstances. 

He was faithful to David, too. 

Not long after this, Bathsheba gets pregnant again and David is the legitimate father of this child. The child is called Solomon, and the Lord loved him. 

Solomon, it turns out, is a pretty important dude. You see, he appears in a crucial place in the New Testament... right at the beginning:

The genealogy. Of. Jesus. 

God used David's horrible situation to bring out something beautiful: Our Savior, Redeemer, Salvation, Emmanuel, God With Us. If it weren't for David's sin and the consequences of that, Jesus' story would not have happened the way it did. How COOL is that????? 

So the fact of the matter is this: It doesn't matter what you've done. There is no sin or situation that is too large for the Lord to deal with. 

I'mma say that again. 

THERE IS NO SIN OR SITUATION THAT IS TOO LARGE FOR THE LORD TO DEAL WITH. 

Jesus has the power to make you clean. He has the power to heal you and bring restoration in your life. But more than that, He has the power to take your messy situations and turn them into something.... beautiful. 

He is faithful. He is good. And he is ready to go with you on a mind-blowing journey of grace.

--
“Grace, then, is grace,–that is to say, it is sovereign, it is free, it is sure, it is unconditional, and it is everlasting.” ~ Alexander Whyte

Immeasurably More

Well, it's been about 2 years since I blogged anything. Surprise! I'm back! 

Okay okay... so I'll be honest. I could not for the life of me remember my password to this thing. So mayyyybe I would have been back sooner if I had..... but who knows. 

Today I took down my picture wall, which was littered with photos of middle school and high school. 

Embarrassing, really. I'm not really sure how I managed to have real human friends during those times, because I was a hot mess. Like, zero cuteness was happening then. 

I should have done this sooner. This wall was strewn with my past. The old me. I would walk by this thing every day and think.... Man.... things have changed. I have changed. Who are these people again? ....gross. 

Since I stopped blogging the last time, the Lord has constantly been renewing me and transforming me more into his likeness. I'm astonished to look back and see who I used to be... but I stand amazed at how far I've come! 

If you had told me in middle school that this year I would be going on a mission trip to Guatemala, being on staff at FUGE, and STILL in college, I would have laughed at you. If you had told me that Jesus would be the most important thing in my life, I would have rolled my eyes at you. But it IS HAPPENING!!!!! 

My story is a story of transfiguration. I used to be dead... not breathing. Asleep. Cold. Unfeeling. Dark. BUT GOD has taken me out of the grime and mud, set my feet on a rock, breathed his LIFE into me and now I am ALIVE! Breathing! Jumping for joy and singing praises. Jesus is my Rock, my Sustainer, my ever present Comfort in trouble. He has my trust. 

And I believe that he has the power to do IMMEASURABLY MORE in my life than he already has. If he's transformed me this much.... I tremble in excitement to think what he will do in the next 5, 10, 20 years! 

I also believe that he can do this in your life. Do you? Are you putting God in a box, and thinking he can be limited by your limitations? I encourage you to put your trust in Him. He can take ordinary people and let them do extraordinary things, and his power is inside of you!!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, unto HIM be GLORY in the Church and in Christ Jesus throughout ALL generations for ever, and ever!" -Ephesians 3:20-21

Amen.  

DNOW: After!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a passion for youth.


I knew this. I mean, I simply ADORE my small youth group at home. Always have, always will. 


But this weekend, I was surrounded by 450 middle and high schoolers who were praising our Lord with utter abandon and it hit me:


I really, really, REALLY love youth. Like, this truth is kinda weirding me out a little because it's hitting me so hard. But it's legit. 


I got to bond with four sweet, beautiful young women of Christ over the past couple of days. We got to share our hearts with each other and just talk and laugh and enjoy the Lord's presence together. And let me tell you.... I LOVED IT. There was not a single point in this weekend where I grew tired of being around these kids. Yes, I was exhausted pretty much the whole weekend. Yes, I had to watch high school boys eat cat food and guzzle Coke through someone else's sock for a game. But I would do it again in a heartbeat. 


Watching God move in these kids.... it's like nothing else in the world. Kids that were dead in their sins were made alive this weekend. Kids (and adults, too!) that were sleeping through their walk with God were awakened. God just continues to blow my mind with His works, and I'm totally digging it!


My hope is that I'll be someone that these kids can look to and see Jesus. I want my life to shine the light of Christ so much that they'll be able to say "Wow, God is so good" and give the glory He deserves back to Him. Matthew 5:16 says "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Life motto right there!


I have no clue where God is planning on taking me next with these kids... but I'm expecting HUGE things to happen!!!


--
Where You go, I'll go
Where You stay, I'll stay
When You move, I'll move
I will follow YOU!

DNOW: Before

In a few hours, I will be heading off to West Rome to be a leader at DNOW this weekend. I've never lead a small group before, so I've kinda been freaking out the past couple of days, but I'm extremely excited. Six 11th grade girls and I are going to get to hang out this weekend and talk about Jesus.... and I think that's pretty fabulous!

The theme for this weekend's DNOW is Awaken. My prayer for this weekend is that God will completely awake our souls and create a passion in our hearts to seek Him out in our lives. A lot can change over a few days when we let God move... and I can't wait to see what God does in these high schoolers, my girls, and even myself. I'm expecting some big things from my big God. :)

So God, move in us this weekend. Set our hearts on FIRE for you. Don't let this be just another weekend... change our lives forever. We may be going into this weekend with heavy hearts, Lord... myself included. Break our chains, give us peace, give us You. Let Hannah, Samantha, Megan, Vanessa, Emily, Chloe, Anna and I bond this weekend and become friends that can trust each other and help each other run to you. Rock our worlds, God! Awaken our hearts! You're all that we want!

--
"Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light!"
-Ephesians 5:14

Blessed

I am blessed. 


I was going to blog a few days ago about how I didn't know what God wanted for my future, but I for some reason felt like I should wait (Holy Spirit FTW?!) before writing. I was troubled with questions like "Where am I going to work next semester?" "Am I really supposed to be a part of the youth leadership team at West Rome? Why hasn't that happened yet?" "What about the summer? Should I volunteer at the hospital or not?" "What? Why? Where? BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"


I was kiiiiiiind of freaking out a little even though God was clearly telling me to chill out and wait for Him- He's got this. 




I finally was like..... ok. I surrender to you. Do your work. 




BAM. 


Monday, I was introduced to Summer Beach Project. It's 10 weeks in Destin, FL over the summer of working and soaking up Jesus. I'm almost 94.3% sure God wants me there over the summer. (Check.)


Tuesday, I get a job offer for next semester. It's in the same department, but with a different supervisor who loves Jesus and actually enjoys laughter and sweatpants. (Check.)


Wednesday, I accept the job offer. (Check.) 


And today, I had an interview with the main high school leader at West Rome. I start leading next Wednesday. I get to pour into the lives of high schoolers (specifically, 11th grade girls) every week and watch God work in their lives. Needless to say, I'm STOKED. (Check.)


Matthew 6:30-33, THE MESSAGE:

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."


God is the ultimate Provider. Waiting on Him ALWAYS works out for our good, and He still gets all the glory. He is worth it. 


:)